I Am Waiting

I'll be waiting
By the golden tree
If and ever
You choose to see

I'll be waiting
Transparently
Open your eyes
And there's me

I'll be waiting
Silent and humble
I start to speak
My words jumble

I'll be waiting
For it to become clear
When the smoke has blown
You'll see I've always been here 

God, I know

God, I know...........

I haven't been nice
I haven't been me
I have been so consumed
With what I want life to be

God, I know............

I haven't thought of anyone else
I haven't thought of you
I have no more faith
Despite everything you brought me through

God, I know

I haven't been holy
I haven't been a saint
I have been lately
What a christian ain't

God, I know

I haven't been remorseful
I haven't been true
I have been a puppet
For the devil to speak through

God, I know

You haven't left me alone
You haven't gave up on me
You have given me a task
To further my growth spiritually

Whore

Slit my wrist
Once more?
Again suicide
I've become your whore
Do as you may
I do as you say
I pick up the knife
I make the wound
Deeper than the hole
Inside my heart
The pain I feel restarts
And I end up
Back where I began
I never thought
I'd visit you again

Slip inside
My head again?
This war with you
I'll never win
End it all here today you say
I was going to end it all anyway
I'm use to your game
Beat and abuse me
Like you always do
I can't fight it I'm tethered to you
You always come when I least expect
A subconious thought never the less
Always here my friend, my enemy
I'd give my life for you to set me free